Sports psychology: Belichick’s humble pie
January 18, 2008 | 1 Comment
You’ll have to forgive the sports talk, I’ve been a bit distracted with the NFL football playoffs. I’m from San Diego and a die hard Chargers fan and I’ve been having some good natured banter with a fellow mediation blogger, Diane Levin, over at www.MediationChannel.com who happens to be a New England Patriots fan.
The two teams square off against each other this Sunday for the AFC Championship game with the winner heading on to the SuperBowl.
Commentators have positioned the Chargers as serious underdogs against the undefeated Patriots.
What I find interesting, is the Yahoo news coverage of Belichick’s pre-game mental preparation of his players. Apparently he has been giving them quite a lashing and emphasizing the underdogs’ achievements.
He’s been instilling fear in them so they don’t go into the game overconfident. As a Yahoo sports article quotes:
“He put fear into us by going over everything we did wrong and everything they’ve done right the last two months,” fullback Heath Evans said Wednesday. “He was convincing,”
Belichick’s weekly servings of humble pie have become the stuff of legend around here. It’s one reason the Patriots are 17-0 and have avoided the overconfidence that has helped derail undefeated seasons for 35 years.
The players have taken it in stride, joking about the inevitable verbal beat downs no matter the margin of victory and occasionally wearing humble pie T-shirts – “be humble or be humbled.” Enterprising local bakeries have started concocting the stuff.
Yes, every coach does this, but perhaps none have done it as effectively as Belichick. Even his staunchest critics have to admit he is the absolute master. And even by his standards, players noted, Monday’s meetings were brutal.
I’ve just been introduced to a psychologist who helps athletes and also does executive coaching, Dr. Kevin Fleming. I’m going to ask Dr. Fleming to comment on this coaching technique.
Could fear backfire? Thus far at 17-0 it appears to be working.
More soon.
Kristina R. Haymes
Simplify Your Life: resolve conflict
January 18, 2008 | Leave a Comment
“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.”
Hans Hofmann (abstract expressionist)
Unresolved conflict is definitely a life or business complication.
It drains energy and resources. Employee conflict costs businesses thousands upon thousands of dollars.
Interpersonal conflict drains valuable energy that could be used for greater productivity or just pure joy.
Ask yourself:
1) What is going on? (can you explain the conflict)
2) How am I contributing to the problem?
3) Is the problem worth confronting?
4) Think about who, when, where and what
5) Ask yourself what you are thinking and feeling about the problem
6) prepare in advance
7) make it safe — e.g. affirm that you value the relationship or you are unclear what the other person’s intention was — but to you it appeared to be _________ [fill in the blank] and then contrast this with your issue
8) what does this situation say about you and your place in the business, company or world?
Whether the other person responds positively or not, often times, clearing the air does wonders for simplifying your life.
You free yourself from having to carry around thoughts and feelings about this. Once you have communicated about the problem, ask yourself if you are willing to let it go.
Or, do you need some change to occur before you will let it go? If so, ask for what you would like to see happen.
Mediate the possibilities… simplify your conflict life.
KRH
Sources of Conflict at Work: Part I
January 14, 2008 | Leave a Comment
I have been planning a series of posts for the new year on the sources of conflict.
This post is the first.
Too often, conflict is driven not by the current issue (or what psychologists term the “presenting problem”) – which is usually just a symptom of something deeper. When we get down to the root issues, we can more effectively figure out if a resolution is possible or how the situation can be managed.
Today’s post will focus on one source of conflict that manifests itself at work (at home too): failing to value others’ diversity.
Now when I use the term “diversity” I am not just referring to racial, ethnic and gender diversity. I am referring to diversity of personalities and diversity of talent, skills and abilities.
You see, our diversity is a great source of strength. Unfortunately, most people see others with different personalities, working styles, strengths and weaknesses and think, “If they are not like me, they are no good.”
Yet, companies become great when management is able to create cohesive teams of people who have different skills and talents that complement each other. Can you imagine if everyone had a directive, take charge CEO type personality? The wars and battles would be endless.
Can you imagine if everyone on the team was super anal, detailed oriented and lost sight of the big picture? If everyone sweats the small stuff, you will likely go nowhere on the larger agenda.
If everyone is outgoing and great at bringing in new business but unable to focus on getting the task done, where would the business be?
The fact is that we are interdependent. In order to build something great whether at work or at home, requires us to appreciate and value our differences. Greatness is impossible without great teams.
Failing to appreciate and value our differences inevitably leads to conflict.
Conflict can manifest itself in different and often hidden costs to a business’ bottom line. Some examples:
- High levels of job dissatisfaction
- Conflict over how things should be done
- Overly critical managers who fail to appreciate different styles and different strengths and different ways of doing things
- Instead of putting people to work in areas where they can shine and add great value to the business, they criticize and belittle them in their current roles or for not being like them
- High turn-over results which costs businesses hundreds of thousands of dollars
- Litigation, turf wars, power struggles, lack of cohesion
- Failure to achieve strategic goals and initiatives
What can we do about this source of conflict?
Ask yourself if you think:
1) There’s only one way of doing things;
2) Your way is the best and only way;
3) If someone is not like you, they must not be ___ (fill in the blank: e.g. smart, capable, good, talented)…
Do you:
4) Fail to appreciate the different gifts/talents of others?
5) Focus more on people’s shortcomings than their strengths?
6) Look to match peoples skills and talents with the appropriate work?
7) Accept and respect others with different approaches?
Awareness is a first step.
Make a commitment today to ask yourself if you think or do any of the above.
How can you begin to value the differences around you? How can you affirm those differences and use diversity to your advantage?
Your partner in the process,
Kristina Haymes
Ms. Haymes is an attorney and mediator passionate about helping people maximize the growth of people and profits.
Kristina R. Haymes, MA, JD is an attorney and mediator licensed in California, New Jersey and New York (admission pending). Ms. Haymes has a wide range of trial, arbitration and litigation experience in securities litigation, contract disputes, fraud, trade secrets, patent and other IP disputes and labor and employment law.
Ms. Haymes is passionate about mediation, conflict resolution, leadership and living a life that matters. The goal of the Mediation Marketing Tips Blog is to provide insight and inspiration to mediators and conflict managers everywhere to build their dream practices.
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